Last week, I was flying home from a conference. As I mapped out my outreach plan, something hit me:
How often we let a single, quiet thought derail real opportunities: “Reaching out would feel… pushy. I don’t want to bother them.”
The Story:
You know how it goes.
You meet someone at a conference. Great conversation. Promising connection. You even swap emails. But then… nothing. You don’t hear from them, and you stop reaching out.
Why?
Because that voice creeps in:
- “They’re probably too busy.”
- “They are not interested.”
- “They’ll reach out if they need something.”
- “I don’t want to bother them.”
Here’s the problem: That voice sounds reasonable. Rational. Respectful. Even professional. But most of the time? It’s fear in disguise.
The Truth:
You’re not avoiding being a bother. You’re avoiding feeling vulnerable.
You’re dodging the risk of being ignored, rejected, or seen as “too much.” That’s human. But it’s also how relationships stall.
Because here’s what your silence communicates, whether you mean it or not:
“I don’t value this relationship enough to stay in touch.” “You’re not a priority.” “I’m only interested if you have something for me right now.”
You’re not bothering people by reaching out. You’re bothering them by only reaching out when they can give you something.
What Actually Works:
1. Get Clear on the Type of Outreach: Are you following up? Or nurturing?
Most lawyers treat these as the same, which is why their outreach feels transactional. We’ll break this down in an upcoming edition, but for now:
- Follow-up is closing a loop on a specific opportunity, invitation, or conversation that left the door open.
- Nurture is keeping the relationship alive even when nothing’s pending.
Both matter. Both require intention.
2. Reframe the Outreach: Stop thinking of your outreach as an interruption. Start thinking of it as an opportunity to add value.
That doesn’t mean sending a pitch. It means:
- Sharing a relevant article
- Offering to make a helpful introduction
- Inviting to an event you are hosting
- Simply checking in with genuine curiosity
When you lead with value, you’re not an imposition. You’re a resource.
3. Use a Light Touch: Outreach doesn’t have to be formal. Or long. Or perfect.
A short email that says:
“Saw this and thought of you. Hope all is well.” “I’m checking in. How’s that [deal/project/transition] going?” goes a long way.
Consistency beats cleverness.
4. Make It About Them, Not You: This isn’t about pushing yourself. It’s about being of service to your contacts, clients, peers, and people you want to collaborate with.
Business development isn’t pestering. It’s showing up to help solve problems. That’s what you do. That’s your value.
Final Thought:
That internal voice, the one that says “Don’t reach out. You’ll come across as pushy, salesy, or desperate?” It’s not protecting your reputation. It’s protecting your ego.
So stop buying into that voice. Follow up. Stay visible. Offer value. That’s how relationships and books of business are built – one intentional touchpoint at a time.
Try this: Think of 3 people you’ve been meaning to reach out to. Now ask: “What’s one helpful reason to reconnect?”
Don’t overthink it. Don’t wait for perfect. Just take the step.
