David had just wrapped up a meeting with Alex, a third-year associate who’d been delivering work that required significant revision. Yet when David asked how things were going, Alex responded enthusiastically: “Great! I’m really hitting my stride. I think I’m ready for more complex matters.”
David sat there, momentarily speechless. The disconnect was jarring — while David was considering whether Alex needed a performance improvement plan, Alex was lobbying for more complex assignments.
Sound familiar? We’ve all been there facing the delicate task of giving feedback to someone who genuinely believes they’re excelling. It’s one of the trickiest leadership challenges in any organization, but particularly in law firms, where confidence is currency and egos can run high.
Why These Conversations Are Tricky
When someone thinks they’re doing well, feedback can feel like an ambush. Their defenses go up: “But I’ve been hitting my billable hours… The clients seem happy… No one has told me otherwise!”
That’s why the way you start matters as much as the message itself. You’re not just correcting behavior. You’re surfacing a blind spot. Done poorly, the person will dismiss your message. Done well, you can shift their perspective and open the door to growth.
The High Cost of Avoiding the Conversation
When we sidestep these feedback conversations, the consequences compound. The individual continues operating with blind spots. Meanwhile, you’re left managing around their limitations rather than developing their capabilities.
More importantly, you’re robbing them of growth opportunities. That confident associate who thinks they’re ready for partnership may be years away from the skills they’ll actually need. Without honest feedback, they’ll hit a ceiling they never saw coming.
Starting the Conversation Right
The hardest part is often just beginning. Here are some proven conversation starters that create openness rather than defensiveness:
“I noticed that your writing on the last two matters needed a lot of rework. Would you be willing to have a conversation about it, so I can understand the situation better?”
Or try the exploratory approach:
“How are things going with you work/matters?”
If they respond with “Good” or “Great,” you can gently introduce the disconnect:
“I’m getting some feedback that’s different. Can we discuss it?”
These openers accomplish something crucial:
- They position you as curious rather than critical, seeking understanding rather than delivering judgment.
- Also, they show respect for the person’s perspective, and they signal that this isn’t a one-way lecture. It’s a conversation.
Enter the COIN Formula
Once you’ve opened the conversation, the COIN formula provides structure that transforms potentially confrontational discussions into collaborative development opportunities:
- Connection
- Observation
- Impact
- Next
This formula was first developed by Anna Carroll in her book The Feedback Imperative.
STEP 1: Establish a CONNECTION
For feedback to be effective, it must be received. To be received and understood, the recipient must be open to listening. So it’s important to establish a connection and get their buy-in to ensure that the person is really hearing your feedback. You can do that by:
- Finding common ground.Connect the feedback you are about to give to something they care about:
“I know it’s important to you to be a team player; to continue honing your skills.”
- Getting permission.
“I have some feedback that I’d like to share. Are you open to hearing it?”
- Emphasizing that you care.
“One of the reasons I wanted us to sit down and discuss this is because I care about your success and I want to help you grow into a stellar professional.”
“I realize that this may be hard to hear, but I want to share this with you because it’s important for your success here.”
STEP 2: Make an OBSERVATION
- Observations are your descriptions of their performance or behavior.
- Important: “O” stands for observation, not opinion!
- Make sure that your observations are factual, specific, and accurate.
- Avoid vague generalizations or evaluative statements.
- Keep the number of observations to 1 or 2 main points.
“I noticed that lately you’ve your work product has required a lot of rework. For example, I’m thinking specifically about the Morrison brief and the Johnson motion review from last week. The Morrison brief was submitted two days past deadline, and I spent about four hours restructuring the argument and adding the case law analysis. The Johnson motion had several key arguments missing, which I caught during my review.”
STEP 3: Explain the IMPACT
Explain how the person’s actions impacted you, other people, or the organization.
Avoid:
- Making blanket statements: “This was poorly drafted” or “This was terrible”
- Accusatory or judgmental language: “What were you thinking?” or “How did you miss that?!”
Instead, focus on the impact of their behavior or performance:
“The late brief meant I had to work over the weekend to meet the court deadline, and the missing arguments in the Johnson motion required me to spend additional time researching and drafting what should have been included initially. I’m also concerned about how this pattern affects your development and readiness for more complex assignments, and it’s creating capacity issues for me when I need to focus on other matters.”
Always end your comments by asking the recipient about their take on it:
“Help me understand what happened from your perspective. What challenges are you facing that we should address?”
STEP 4: Agree on the NEXT STEPS
Discuss the next steps by co-creating a solution and getting the person’s buy-in. You are not dealing with children, so resist the temptation to tell them what to do. Instead:
- Invite the individual to share their own ideas on the next steps first: “What ideas do you have on how to approach this going forward?” That increases their buy-in.
- Then, make additional suggestions as necessary.
- And, finally, agree on what’s going to happen next.
The FINAL Step
Always, and I mean always, end the conversation by thanking them for receiving your feedback! This simple gesture acknowledges their openness and reinforces that feedback is a collaborative process, not a one-way critique. It also helps preserve the relationship and leaves them feeling supported rather than criticized, making future feedback conversations much easier.
Navigating Resistance
Expect pushback. Lawyers are trained to argue, and when they think they’re doing well, they may counter with evidence. Resist the urge to “win” the argument. Instead, stay steady and curious:
- “I hear that you see it differently. Can you walk me through your perspective?”
- “That’s helpful context. At the same time, here’s what others are experiencing…”
- “Let’s explore both views and see where there’s alignment.”
The goal isn’t to corner them. It’s to help them see that perception and impact matter just as much as intent.
Why This Matters for Legal Leaders
Ignoring blind spots isn’t kindness – it’s negligence. Over time, it damages trust, morale, and performance. But addressing them head-on, with skill, sends a powerful signal:
- To the lawyer: “Your growth matters, and I’m invested in helping you succeed.”
- To the team: “We don’t sweep issues under the rug; we address them constructively.”
- To the firm or organization: “Our culture values clarity, accountability, and development.”
Feedback isn’t a punishment. Done well, it’s a gift, and one of the most important responsibilities of leadership.
Your Next Move
Think about someone on your team who might benefit from this kind of conversation.
- What specific situation could you address?
- How might you open that conversation in a way that invites collaboration rather than defensiveness?
